A few days ago, while sitting in my office drinking my morning nutrition shake and “wool gathering,” I spilled the drink on my leg.  I didn’t realize that, in an effort to stir the sediment from the bottom of the cup, I had ended up twirling it with way too much effort, thus spinning the liquid out and onto my pants.

As I walked to the bathroom to dry off the wet spot, I thought, “Wow, another moment of mindlessness.”  I guess we all have them, but lately, since being involved in exploring a life of mindful and abundant simplicity, mindless moments have also been appearing quite regularly in my life.

This is to be expected.  After all, one of the principles of distinguishing something is that you often first you notice where it’s missing.  So, in distinguishing mindfulness, I’ve been noticing where mindfulness is missing and mindlessness is present.

I’ve also noticed that mindlessness occurs in many different forms.  For example, I remember a time several years ago when my six-year-old daughter returned from fishing down at Jordan Lake, a stone thrown from our house.  As she approached the first words out of her mouth were to ask if we could go swimming.  When I replied no, that it didn’t work in my schedule to go right then, she started pouting.

In a heartbeat, my mind slipped out of mindful gear and into mindless automatic.  I was immediately upset that she was upset from my no, and before I could catch it, my anger and upset leapt from my throat and I scolded her for getting upset so easily.  Of course, in that very moment I was exhibited the very same tendency, but my anger wouldn’t allow me to acknowledge that right then.

I told Amber that she was grounded and sent her into the house.  Even as the words were pouring from my mouth, a little voice from within was saying, What on earth are you doing, Brad?  Grounded?  For what?  Settle down.  You’re way over reacting.  Unfortunately, it took several more minutes before I started listening and heeding the inner guidance.

When I finally did calm down enough to shift gears back into a mindful state of being present, I went to clean up the mess with Amber, but when I went to enter the bedroom, I had difficulty opening the door.  I finally pushed it open to find two baskets of clothes blocking it.

“I was so mad at you that I put them there to keep you out,” Amber acknowledged in a quiet voice with an edge of defiance.  I nodded, then walked over to her and gently put my arms around her.  After a few minutes she looked up at me and asked.  “Do you know what it’s like to be so mad at your Dad that you block the door to keep him out?  Do you know what that feels like?”

“No, not exactly, ” I replied, smoothing her hair, “but I have some idea, and I apologize that you had to feel that way.”  Some moments of mindlessness are costlier than others.

I’ve also observed the cost of mindless moments in others.  A day or two after my mindless moment with Amber, she recounted another incident that happened to a friend of hers.  She’d been down the street visiting this friend when his dad suddenly became angry at him.  According to Amber, Jamie’s dad shouted at him and then grabbed him and “flung him in the closet.”  We haven’t sorted out exactly what did happen yet, but it was enough warning for us to put a halt to Amber’s visits down the street for a while.

In observing these mindless moments I’ve noticed there’s always a cost to them, sometimes small sometimes large — soiled pants, to hurt feelings, to possibly irreparable damage to a relationship.  Yet, I’ve also noticed there’s also a lesson to be learned in each moment, if one’s willing to look for it.

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